@NYC_Blonde: I only sleep with my laptop so that if I ever get a boyfriend I'll be used to sharing the bed
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@TheMichaelRock: If you hate yourself, just drink alcohol like an adult; there's no need to vote for Trump.
@AntiSemanticShw: I think the hardest part about being a cashier is telling the girl buying 3 pregnancy tests to "Have a nice day"
@SuperJuanderer: Wife has spotted me tweeting while she is talking to me. This does not please her. She is currently approaching me. She is reaching for my