@JermHimselfish: I only star inspirational tweets from 15 year-old white girls, because they've obviously got the deepest insight into the human experience.
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@KentWGraham: I don’t think this bowl of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups on my desk is making me as indispensable to the workplace as I had hoped.
@_NTFG_: Asked a vegetarian if she'd heard this song, then remembered vegos are too weak to turn on radios and way too busy playing with their lutes.
@Tommytoughstuff: [Arguing with a guy over who's tougher] *takes toothpick from mouth* "When I started chewing this it was a full grown spruce."
@mattytalks: Girl are you a University of Phoenix degree because I'm pursuing you online and from my couch