@Underchilde: I opened Twitter at a red light once, and when I looked up, a week had passed and I was sitting in police impound.
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@KKAlThani: Kids are fun to be around. Then they start kicking, screaming, drooling, crying, fighting and then you're just grateful they're not yours.
@MelvinofYork: My kid told me an “old dead girl” lives in her room and whispers to her at night. I hope they get along cuz I’m never going in there again.
@RocketRankoon: *GF walks in dressed up "Who's the babe and what've you done with my gf?" GF: Haha *tackles imposter and puts her in choke hold WHERE IS SHE
@djdarrellripley: Her: You are so rude... I just hate you sometimes. When you die I'm gonna dance on your grave! Me: Not with those fat ankles!