@Underchilde: I opened Twitter at a red light once, and when I looked up, a week had passed and I was sitting in police impound.
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@jessicaa1017: Waitress at Olive Garden tells me to say "when" and starts grating cheese on my salad I say nothing Room fills with Parmesan No one survives
@MelvinofYork: My daughter gets all bossy when we’re playing with her Barbies, but I just smile. Then when she’s at school I play with them the way I want.