@apollilaire: i order a pizza online and under special requests i write: "tell me the meaning of life". when the door bell rings there's only an empty box
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@huntigula: When u drop an ice cube on the floor u have only 2 options: 1. kick it under the fridge 2. pick it up & throw it at the sink missing wildly
@J0hnnyBlaze: Me: "Excuse me, hi" Her: "Um, I have a boyfriend" Me: "Good for you. I was trying to say your herpes cream fell out of your purse"
@IncrediblyRich: I'm going to skip home tonight because sometimes life is seriously brilliant. *throws confetti*