@apollilaire: i order a pizza online and under special requests i write: "tell me the meaning of life". when the door bell rings there's only an empty box
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@perfect_boxx: I was asked to name my top 10 most favorite books. I don't have 10 so I just started naming insects.
@LackOfShame: Her: Something's changed in here. Me: I put a new bulb in. Her: Well it's not very bright Bulb: Okay wow I'm like right here.
@KeetPotato: co-pilot: "ask in a way that won't panic everyone" pilot: "ok" [via intercom] "is there a fireman on the plane?"
@dumbbeezie: The best part of being a bear would be waking up from hibernation and immediately killing something