@RocketRankoon: I order so much Chinese food the delivery guy must think I'm a middle aged divorced homicide detective in an 80s movie.
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@HopeUproar: Go to Target for shampoo. End up leaving with a blender, new pajamas, a couch, four kids and a car.
@LizHackett: A child in the coffee shop cried and cried until she was given a cake pop, and as I walked past, I whispered, "Your technique is flawless."
@peachesanscream: Doctor: "You have a blockage in your small & large intestine" Barista: … Barista: … Doctor: *Sigh* "Ok, Tall & Venti intestine."