@RocketRankoon: I order so much Chinese food the delivery guy must think I'm a middle aged divorced homicide detective in an 80s movie.
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@seamussaid: (Teen Jesus Season Finale) *TJ gracefully ascends into clouds* *everyone is in tears* *Mary M gets a txt* TJ (txt): high af rn
@thedad: Welcome to parenthood. You're about to spend an irrational amount of time convincing a sleepy person to go to sleep
@vexroid: Her: How in the world did we max out the credit card?? Me: Beats me *pushes $20K worth of Care Bears under the bed