@RocketRankoon: I order so much Chinese food the delivery guy must think I'm a middle aged divorced homicide detective in an 80s movie.
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@daemonic3: Mr. Trump, who's your Secretary of State? TRUMP: To deal with China, one that speaks Mandarin [remembers to appeal to women] or Womandarin
@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: *glares at me* My shoe doesn’t fit. Me: You grew. How is that my fault? 5: You fed me.
@FeverFlave: I once lip locked the soft ice dispenser at Dairy Queen until the manager had to hit me with a mop. So I know a little bit about rejection.