@eileencurtright: I ordered a bed from IKEA and they sent me a tree trunk and a saw.
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@thomaswhitehead: London is like the best era of Batman at the moment. Well-orchestrated mild commuter panic and Prince stalking the streets.
@DadandBuried: I thought toddlers were the most energetic, obsessive, and relentless people on earth. And then someone got mad at me on Facebook.
@jinkee: if you're hiding from a deranged killer and forget to put your phone on silent, at least make the ringtone the benny hill theme.
@MaraWritesStuff: Carrots are a great thing to eat when you are hungry and want to stay that way.