@Naggalie: I ordered a coffee and the barista asked what size. I told her size didn't matter. We laughed. Then she gave me an extra large coffee.
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@jakefromstfarm3: If you are farther than me in candy crush I will automatically think you are smarter than me.
@TheMichaelRock: 8yo [looking at a poorly wrapped gift] was Santa drunk when he wrapped this? Me: that's purely speculation
@daviddeweil: If The Bachelor was realistic they'd ask each other where they want to go out to eat and then never make a decision.
@OnceUponALiz: If I ever go missing, my dumbass family will pick a photo where I look happy and my hair looks good, and I'll never been seen alive again.