@KenJennings: I ordered a red ottoman online yesterday and now all my self-aware sidebar ads are a never-ending David Lynch fever dream of red ottomans.
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@Humor_Fetish: There's no human I hate more than the attendant in the bathroom at bars. Bro, I can handle this portion of my day ASSISTANCE FREE.
@sara_ashlynn: I broke a lightbulb, smashed artwork, splattered milk from cereal bowls across kitchen walls and knocked over candles. Fly is dead.