@CakeThrottle: I ordered my latte wrong at that new gypsy coffee place and now my shadow is a horse shadow
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@Rollinintheseat: Morgan Freeman is in so many movies, I bet he just wanders onto film sets and says,"I'm in this now."
@InternetHippo: *phone rings* SATAN: Hey I bought your soul on Craigslist last week? ME: No returns SATAN: Please. It's making me sad
@Shellsterca: *Goes fishing *Catches Spongebob *Hangs him on my wall as a trophy *Too lazy to buy a sponge *Uses Spongebob to clean toilet
@ARealTinderella: Whenever I tinker with the idea of a having a relationship, I go spend a night with my married friends.