@ElCorf: "I like my women how I like my sunglasses...
Sitting on my face..."
@rachelle_mandik: -Can you describe the jellyfish that stung you?
-Yes, it looked like a lazy toddler tried to draw an octopus.
@OfficeofSteve: Sometimes when I'm drunk, I put on a trench coat, lurk around the shadows and pretend I'm the host from Unsolved Mysteries
@simoncholland: I accidentally called it an eternity scarf instead of an infinity scarf and now I have to drink my Starbucks outside.
@jewfacekilla: "Wow you're one of the nicest old ladies I've ever met!"- me, loudly to a random old lady so my mom can hear
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