@asimplesean: Just saw a dog with three legs. He did have a fourth leg, but he also had three legs.

@MicheleAKALips: I had a boyfriend once....right up until the moment my dad asked him "so what do you do?" and he replied your daughter. He's Dead.

@Goofpoops: I like my coffee like I like my women. Not banging my friends.

@Sadieisonfire: I put Infinite Warfare on Craigslist and of course I'm getting the geniuses texting me

@WhatevaConc: I don't know what base that was, but thank you TSA.