@OldSpookMan: I overheard my daughter asking the little boy next door, "Are you the opposite sex, or am I."
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@Rollmaninoz: Boss: ok just bear with me *I growl and start clawing the air* B: wtf are you doing Me: I..You said.. B:first ‘snail mail’ now this..Just go
@shawnspree: I always carry a small bottle of Tabasco when I fly. You never know when you're going to crash in the Alps & have to live by eating people.
@ddsmidt: Never give your address or date of birth to anyone on social media. Armed with this information, they could show up at your birthday party.
@SteveSuckington: [first date] Her: omg are you wearing a cape? Lol Me: [texting mom] ok you were right about the cape