@rickkondell: I overheard two female coworkers say there was a creepy dude listening to their conversation.
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@XplodingUnicorn: I walked into a gas station & a woman handed me a free slice of pizza Either Iowa is the nicest state in America or I've just been poisoned
@lloydrang: By age 30, most men have found that one special hairstyle they want to spend the rest of their life with.
@KalvinMacleod: PERSONAL TRAINER: so how much do you bench? ME: a fair bit but I usually bed or sofa.
@MatCro: ELECTRICIAN: [walks into home] GF: WHY ARE YOU IN SO LATE? E: Honey, we've talked about this. GF: [sadly] Ok.... wire you insulate?