@LookAwayMomDad: I paid $200,000 for an English degree and my coworker just asked me to proofread her Facebook status.
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@HelloJessicaFox: If you encounter a bear DON'T RUN. Maintain eye contact. Keep maintaining it. Fall in love. Marry the bear. Tell story to your grandbearbies
@jimmytorosian: Pretty arrogant of Red Delicious Apples to put "delicious" in their name. Like calm down. You're still just an apple. You ain't no prize.