@LookAwayMomDad: I paid $200,000 for an English degree and my coworker just asked me to proofread her Facebook status.
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@Rollmaninoz: *Godzilla smashing Tokyo & eating people. After destroying an asylum he suddenly dies* 60s cop1: what happened 60s cop2: haha nut allergy
@PaperWash: [walking quickly past the old lady I just held the door open for] this doesn't mean you can order before me
@li4mst3w4rt: alcohol is never the answer, unless the question is, "why were you barely conscious on the kitchen floor eating dog food?"
@NoogsCorner: Me: We spend a lot of time together. Her: Turn left. Me: Just think we should take this to the next level. Her: Arriving at destination.