@MartaEffing: I paid 4 the lady in front of me @ Starbucks. She hugged me. Deciding when it's the right time 2 tell her I hit her car in the parking lot.
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@LifeUnPinterest: *Texting* HIM: Do you have any snacks? ME: In my panty. H: Lol, you misspelled "pantry." M: Nope.
@sofarrsogud: ME: Yeah, I've heard that movie. FRIEND: You mean 'seen' that movie. ME: Ha ha. No! I'm on twitter. I haven't seen a movie in 3 years.
@UncleDuke1969: Me: Two fingers here. Son: OK. M: One in the other hole. S: Got it. M: Relax your wrist. Wife: WHAT ARE YOU TEACHING HIM? M: Bowling. Chill.