@AnniemuMary: I painted 1 room & then the hallway and room next to it looked kinda shabby and I'm guessing this is how plastic surgery gets out of hand.
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@CornOnTheGoblin: [magicians backstage] don't panic guys but I think we really just sawed that woman in half
@BooFricketyHoo: Next update: Twitter will tell you what the retweeter is feeling as they retweet your retweet. And what they had for breakfast.
@GrumpyBahr: Me: Grandma died, can't work today. Boss: Thought she died last month? Me: This time she is for real dead. We poked her with a stick.