@HarryRamble: I painted a banner for our annual family picnic, but my Mom thought "Celebrating 100 Years of Undiagnosed Mental Illness" was inappropriate.
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@NervousJr: Don't feel like going to the gym? Go to all your ex's facebook pages and see who they're dating now. Then go to the gym.
@TheCatWhisprer: No amount of college can prepare you for how angry you'll get at the way people park in the real word.
@AndyAsAdjective: Judging by this sunburn, I'd say the sunscreen I lathered on earlier was SPF goddamn liar.
@fridaycandy: I tell people that the secret ingredient in my cookies is "love" but it's actually "floor" .