@LostCatDog: I peed in an ocean, but I'm not going to tell you which one - you're going to have to take your chances.
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@TheMichaelRock: Me: he's cute, how old is he? Guy: 25 months Me: first kid? Guy: yeah, how'd you know? Me: because you didn't say "he's 2"
@emptyheadtwo: He raised an eyebrow, put his hand down and with one eye on the table, looked expressionless. Never play poker against Mr Potato Head.
@fillthevacuum: *checks pockets for phone 53 times before jumping in pool* *skinny dips to be on the safe side*
@briangaar: Whenever people are like "We need to restore traditional values to this country" I assume they mean slavery and burning witches at the stake