@LostCatDog: I peed in an ocean, but I'm not going to tell you which one - you're going to have to take your chances.
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@jordan_stratton: [job interview] Look. First, you give me a job. Then I get paid. THEN I'll be able to buy pants. I can't just skip ahead to the last step.
@Talkinghands69: When your boss says "you're getting a little behind," he won't appreciate it when you wink and say "been working out-thanks for noticing."
@SamGirlSunday: If Kim Kardashian & Snooki were drowning & I could only save one, I'd have a hard time deciding whether to make a sandwich or take a nap.
@SketchesbyBoze: VOTERS: we want to give a boat a ridiculous name UK: no VOTERS: we want to break up the EU and trash the world economy UK: fine