@primawesome: I pet my dog and he didn't wag his tail. Is he seeing someone else? Is the magic gone? Do we need to spice things up? I'll dress like a cat.
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@krisv_723: Sometimes when I'm driving I'm overcome with an urge to run into an overpass pillar. Anyway, I'm Kris & I'll be your Uber driver.
@causticbob: I got kicked out of the casino in Las Vegas. I didn't cheat. I just misunderstood what the craps table was for.
@ChicorelliStar: Just found out my daughter's super power is repeating what I've said about others as soon as she meets them.