@moxieblogger: I pet my dog and she started to purr. Thought I should lay off the drugs until I realized the cat was sitting behind her.
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@AlexRogaski: Biologist screws up: Mutant killer virus Physicist screws up: Deadly black hole Geologist screws up: Rock on table is now rock on floor
@chrisdowning: Tweet about drinking too much = 50 quick likes Facebook about drinking too much = A phone call from my mom
@juliussharpe: People hiking with a giant stick never seem any better at hiking than the rest of us.
@murrman5: [her thinking to herself in the restaurant] he seems nice and normal [me thinking to myself] she let the waiter twist her pepper 8 twists??