@moxieblogger: I pet my dog and she started to purr. Thought I should lay off the drugs until I realized the cat was sitting behind her.
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@kellyoxford: "Please add your phone number to secure your acct." Facebook is now the Nigerian Prince.
@StansaidAirport: Festive Fact: Women who put on weight over the festive period are 98% more likely to live longer than their partners who point it out.
@OfficeofSteve: Instead of cursing and swearing when someone cuts me off in traffic, I just yell lyrics from Spice Girl songs out the window
@KKAlThani: My personal trainer told me to stop eating pizzas but if I'm craving it I should just eat one slice. So now I ask them not to cut the pizza.