@BreadFoster: I "pet zone" girls. It's like the friend zone, but, I only hang out if your dog will be there.
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@Jandalize: Got excited because I found $20 in the laundry. Then I remembered my kids don't have jobs and the money was probably mine.
@DanMentos: [first day of work as a 911 operator] "Hello, 911" Hi someone's trying to break into my house "holy shit call 911"