@lawking30: I photobombed my pal's passport photo & now they won't let him through customs unless I'm behind him waving my hands in the air like a putz.
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@Jake_Vig: It would be easier if they just reported which parts of the globe aren't on fire and don't have hurricanes.
@CrazyUncIeJoe: I just saw a baby wearing a shirt saying: "Santa doesn't exist, but that's ok, cause I can't read."
@cjwerleman: Boy, ISIS are going to be pissed when they find out New Atheists talk about God more than them.
@Nachos0verHoes: How can my mum hear me whisper something under my breath but can't hear me shout YEAHHHH from my room when she screams my name 10 times