@TaintUrBalls: I pick up hitchhikers cause then when I'm pulled over the weed is his.
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@ninjadinosaur1: I am not paying for a full year membership at the Y when I only need the pool long enough to hold one hamster Viking funeral.
@Book_Krazy: Pro-tip Ladies, try to refrain from plucking that one crazy hair from his nose while he's sleeping. He won't think it's as funny as you do.
@sammyrhodes: Here’s the thing about the paleo diet. If cavemen could have eaten donuts they would have.
@Xoolun: Went to the gym and asked the trainer. Could you help me do splits? Trainer: Sure How flexible are you? Me: I can only do Thursday.