@TaintUrBalls: I pick up hitchhikers cause then when I'm pulled over the weed is his.
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@TheAlexNevil: The past is past. What’s done is done. Mistakes were made, but that’s all water under the bridge. So, let’s call it a day. HR: No.
@Tommytoughstuff: [Bank robbery] *Other robbers jump into getaway van* "DRIVE! DRIVE! DRIVE!" "Okie dokie." * Starts to adjust mirrors*
@wolfpupy: first you light 100 candles, then you fall asleep. this 'burn your house down' spell works every time
@leshnevsky: Today's 3-year-olds can unlock the smartphone and launch favorite app or music player. What did I do in my 3-year-old? I ate sand.