@jjhartinger: I picked up an ice cream cake & the cashier said keep it in the freezer until serving so it doesn't melt. I've got to start dressing smarter
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@KentWGraham: I don’t want to say my wife and I are lazy, but we finally folded laundry yesterday and half the clothes don’t fit us anymore.
@MikeDrucker: You can't run a country like a business. If you did, you'd have to pay profits to investors, meaning citizens. And that's socialism! Bye!
@CoreyNotKori: My handwriting has slowly morphed from cheerleader to serial killer to elephant with a paint brush.
@hrtbps: "I have parrot-like reflexes." "Don't you mean cat-like reflexes?" "Don't you mean cat-like reflexes?"