@jjhartinger: I picked up an ice cream cake & the cashier said keep it in the freezer until serving so it doesn't melt. I've got to start dressing smarter
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@themiltron: Baby Bear: Someone’s been eating my porridge! Mama: That’s wonderful, dear. Papa never eats Mama’s porridge anymore. Papa: Jesus, Linda...
@TheWeirdWorld: The headline “WORLD’S OLDEST PERSON DIES” could also be “WORLD HAS NEW OLDEST PERSON”.
@Nocturnesthesia: Neighbor may have just called the cops after hearing me yell at the cat for stealing my cheese bread