@jjhartinger: I picked up an ice cream cake & the cashier said keep it in the freezer until serving so it doesn't melt. I've got to start dressing smarter
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@Jaywoo74: Wife: You act like a child with that phone. Me: Child? I'm a grown ass man. Wife: Let me see your phone. Me: No. *snatches phone Me: MINE
@fsuflores: I feel so bad for all these women that give me their phone numbers and when I call the line has been disconnected This economy is ruthless.
@abbycohenwl: Cat: Meow Me: Meow Mom: Why do you do that? Me: Silly, huh? Mom: No, reckless! Do you even know what you said? What if you told him he's fat