@KKAlThani: I pity those who feel the need to brag about themselves to get people's attention. I hate them more than the scratch on my Lamborghini.
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@wickedsuga: I won't block you, but I will put a curse on you that you'll never be able to finish a sneeze ever again for the rest of your life.
@peeznuts: -Give it to me straight doc. -You'll never walk again. -Now give it to me gay. -You'll never stroll merrily down the boardwalk again.
@david8hughes: All you dads out there couldn't hold a candle to my dad. He's petrified of candles.
@captainkalvis: [engagement party] brother: show us the ring! me: we dont have time to watch a classic horror movie Dave you dumb shit i'm gettin married