@ilovepie84: I play Nickelback real loud all day so crickets can listen to something annoying when they try to sleep
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@weinerdog4life: If you're ever attacked by a bear play deaf, be like "I can't even hear you bear"
@GoodnightSanity: My toddler begged to go swimming and then threw a tantrum because she didn't want to get wet in case you were on the fence about having kids
@Reverend_Scott: It's the year 2354, the world is now like that futuristic Bruce Willis movie. No, the other one. No, the other one. No, the other one. No,
@theNuzzy: After my tweet conversation with you, I delete everything I wrote so you look like a crazy stalker.