@DriftLight: I plucked my first gray hair today. The lady it came from got so mad you guys.
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@qwertying: Husband: Why are there broken condoms on our couch? Wife: Would you please call our children by their real names.
@NicestHippo: [high school sex ed class] *scoffs* When are we ever going to use this in real life
@envydatropic: Environmentally friendly means to stop burning bridges and just throw people off of them
@MorganJ7: Normal people flirting: Hey you're cute we should go out sometime Me flirting: So do you like bread