@DriftLight: I plucked my first gray hair today. The lady it came from got so mad you guys.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@AGreaterMonster: Dear Applicant, Your résumé appears to be a string of stolen tweets. Congratulations, you're our new VP of Marketing!
@Sassafrantz: [takes a sip at wine tasting] Ah yes, this is nice. You can really taste the wet dog and Code Red Mountain Dew.
@truegritrumble: BABY: *cries* ME: Get in line, buddy. PUPPY: *cries* ME: *panicking* OMG, WHAT GREAT TRAGEDY HAS BEFALLEN YOU, MR. NIBBLES?