@DriftLight: I plucked my first gray hair today. The lady it came from got so mad you guys.
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@Eightinchgoat: My neighbor seriously just asked me, "Does Canada have 4th of July?" I said "No, they skip from the 3rd to the 5th, eh? I need to move.
@JohnLyonTweets: *watches Beauty and the Beast* *looks at dirty dishes in sink* WASH YOURSELVES AND SING TO ME!
@LosLos__: My Wife's nickname for me is "Microsoft" because I'm good with computers. RIGHT HONEY? Hold on guys, she's not done laughing.