@2tickytacky: I posted a selfie and someone commented "Oh my! That was brave.".
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@Sickayduh: [hospital] SON: I came as soon as I heard. What happened? DAD: The oying hit me SON: What's an oying? DAD: You are, kiddo *dies*
@electrolemon: everyone i ever dated is impressed when i namedrop foreign authors but never bothers to check if they're just ikea product names (they are)
@Donna_Gallers: 1. Go to the vets 2. Tell them your fish is poorly 3. Put a fish finger on the examining table 4. Do a sad face
@iAmDelFreaky: I saw a fat kid sitting on a seesaw all by himself. I stopped and waited for another kid to fall from the sky. I left disappointed.