@2tickytacky: I posted a selfie and someone commented "Oh my! That was brave.".
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@TheToddWilliams: [2019 USA] "Where are you from?" -Trumpsylvania, how about you? "North Trumpkota"
@Rollinintheseat: *Shakespeare resetting his password* "Enter new password." Fortnight "Your password is two weeks."
@DirtMcTurd: My girlfriend says she's my best friend but she got so mad when I called her a homo and threw a snowball at her face. Women are so confusing
@WilliamAder: Don't ask me if I have a safety pin if you're going to look at me all weird when I pull one out of my pocket and hand it to you.