@2tickytacky: I posted a selfie and someone commented "Oh my! That was brave.".
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@bridger_w: "Ah, OK. Yes. Now I see it." -Me lying to someone who's pointing out a constellation
@StevieKnip: lawyer talking under his breath: "guiltypeoplesaywhat?" suspect: what? lawyer: no further questions your honor
@Book_Krazy: Whenever I seductively unbutton my pants, I always maintain full eye contact with the waiter so he knows I want more table bread.
@Izianikapani: Construction sites are dangerous places. I nearly blacked out holding in my stomach as I walked past one.