@JennyJohnsonHi5: I posted "Happy Almost Mother's Day!" on this chick I grew up with's Facebook page, guess I was the only one who remembered her abortion.
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@MichaelTrying: I wish I had the confidence of the people strategizing their lottery numbers for five minutes in front of me in line at the gas station.
@Nikkeya08: We're just two people shitting in side by side stalls waiting for the other person to go out so we don't have to show our face
@Book_Krazy: 9: Whatcha watching? Me: Tiny Houses. 9: Wow it's tiny! Who's gonna live there? Me: Two people. 9: Are they married? Me: Not for long.
@Smooheed: When I'm pushing the twins in the pram and someone asks me if they're mine I say 'no, they're for my collection' and run as fast as I can