@BrettDruck: I posted "I did it!!!" to Facebook and got a ton of congratulations but nobody realized I was confessing.
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@Elizasoul80: First date Him: What do you do? Me [pulls out a Victoria's Secret catalog that I've clearly glued photos of my face into] "I'm a model."
@forcemajeure40: She said she was a free spirit. That's good. Wasn't sure how I'd pay for a spirit.
@nbadag: [me as a passenger on the titanic] oh ewww are there olives in this salad? YOU be quiet lillian, i swear this trip cannot possibly get worse