@myles_morrison: I practiced cursive for years in elementary school & my electronic bank signature still looks like it was signed by a drunk monkey.
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@hipchkk: Apparently, some parents are not appreciative of a sweet super supportive air horn during a children's piano recital.
@thebeckyard: I was completely offended, but then you said "no offense," so now everything's cool.
@meganamram: We're in the exact point of climate change as when wile e. coyote runs off the cliff but hasn't looked down yet
@zachreinert03: If I see someone is too drunk I take their keys. Not for safety, they're probably blacked out and just won't remember I stole their car.