@myles_morrison: I practiced cursive for years in elementary school & my electronic bank signature still looks like it was signed by a drunk monkey.
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@tchrquotes: There's no actual reason to believe that eating this entire bag of Doritos will make me feel better. That's why it's called faith.
@Cheeseboy22: When people ask, "Don't I know you from somewhere?", I reply "Yes, we were best friends as children until you murdered my puppy."
@OhNoSheTwitnt: If Thor is a woman, what's next? Woman doctors? Woman lawyers? Woman mothers? When will it end?
@Parkerlawyer: My daughter said I was too old for over-the-knee boots so I bought two pair and told her she was too young to borrow them.