@djdarrellripley: I pray every night that I never become religious...
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@VenisVal: My friend's wife is so controlling. When they're together, he talks like he's filming a hostage video.
@ibid78: Rookie cop: "But sir, why would man's laughter be a crime?" Chief: "ffs kid, it's one word. Manslaughter."
@DirtMcTurd: Taco Bell doesn't have a playground because its hard to have fun when you might shit your pants