@KKBowls: My psychiatrist told me I need to love myself more. I was like, "damn doc I'm already up to 3 times a day"

@AndyAsAdjective: *personally visits the 7 friends who continually trap me in a rather chatty text message group & punches each of them in the face*

@pinningnut: I never question my sanity, I'm afraid it will answer back.

@Izzybcrazy: 2 out of 3 isn't bad. Unless you come home from the park with 2 out 3 kids. Then it's bad

@markydoodoo: [Shark Tank] INVESTOR: So, it's a bra, with a built in queso holder? ME: Yep INVESTOR: And you call it the- ME: The Bracho, yes