@mydmac: I prefer to date a man after I see how well he treats his wife.
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@anagramps: "My nose is going to grow now" said Pinocchio, rending a paradoxical black hole in the fabric of space-time.
@randomlawless: My coworker replaced her chair with an exercise ball to "work her core." I'm eating a giant chocolate chip cookie for breakfast. I win.
@ryangriffiths: I don't think people understand the potential ramifications when they say to me "just be yourself".