@salamingia: I prepare my daughter for disappointment by always giving her the iPad with a 4% charge.
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@BackrowSeats: People that say "God never gives you more than you can handle" never met my ex-girlfriend.
@The_MartiniGirl: The sampler tester at the liquor store told me to stop coming back every hour in a disguise.
@NoFlipFlops: Whoa. The house telephone thingy just rang. Couldn't remember what to do so I stopped, dropped and rolled.
@ObviouslyJustMe: Jesus said to Peter, "Come forth and I will give you eternal glory." Peter came fifth and won a toaster.