@salamingia: I prepare my daughter for disappointment by always giving her the iPad with a 4% charge.
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@Rollinintheseat: *Comments on Facebook picture* "That headband your baby is wearing really accentuates her baldness."
@dance_blessed: Lust is not real love and Domino's is not real pizza but both are fine when you're drunk.
@SteveKoehler22: The pizza theorem: "Pizzas must be circular. They must be cut into triangles and put into square boxes" -Science