@Mardigroan: Popeye was heart healthy because he liked to eat spinach and Olive Oil.

@3sunzzz: [text] H: I'm at Lowes, how wide is the door frame? M: I measured, it's 35 and then 3 little lines after a big long line.

@DeadLioness: Running with my dog, holding his poop in a small, lavender scented, biodegradable bag like the top-of-the-food-chain creature that I am.

@Tups13: Plot twist: two birds kill YOU with one stone.

@simoncholland: My credit card was declined and when I called Visa they asked me to verify that I was a 39 year old man buying a unicorn frappuccino.