@Brianhopecomedy: I probably should've said, "Congrats on your 4th child!" instead of "Halfway there, OctoMom".
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@NoogsCorner: Am I annoying yet? How about now? Now? Now? Now? How about now? Now? Now? Now? Maybe now? Now? Now? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow?
@bridger_w: If you're pulled over, wait for the cop to lean down to your window, then use their vulnerability to give them a quick peck on the cheek
@KyleMcDowell86: Step1) Buy 100 cans of tuna Step2) Drain the cans into a bucket Step3) Soak ur cloths in the tuna water Step4) Go outside & get all the cats
@MartaEffing: I know you've been here. I can smell you, still taste you on my lips. I crave more, but it's over now. Also, you're a donut. And I ate you.