@ReeMURDA: I promise, I'm only gonna have 2 beers tonight.... 2 beers in dog beers
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@KatieBurnett: Never seen anyone in Nandos or McDonald's pick up an appropriate amount of napkins - you're cleaning up after a burger not a double homicide
@mommy_cusses: Once upon a time, You weren't listening to the story mommy was reading to you so everyone in the book dies. The end.
@jwoodham: Sorry I didn't text you back, but my body is like 70% water and I really didn't want to mess up my phone.