@ReeMURDA: I promise, I'm only gonna have 2 beers tonight.... 2 beers in dog beers
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@XplodingUnicorn: The pig jumped into bed with my 6-year-old all by herself. It was super cute. Then the pig threw up all over her. Considerably less cute.
@Jamie1947: Damn girl, are you my cable remote? Because you are weirdly designed and very confusing, and does this row of buttons even do anything?
@tacsanitchiban: Old friend: Wow! When the hell did you grow a beard? Me: This morning. On the way here. Just felt like it was time.