@ReeMURDA: I promise, I'm only gonna have 2 beers tonight.... 2 beers in dog beers
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@3sunzzz: Me: My son totaled another car. Progressive: I see that you insure 3 teen sons? M: yes P: *covers phone* HEY GUYS, WE'RE GOING TO ARUBA!
@david8hughes: Interviewer: says here you're a sniper Me [opening gun case]: affirmative Interviewer: is that a Supersoaker with a Pringles can taped to it
@david8hughes: I'm impressed by girls who paint their eyebrows on. How do you pick one facial expression for the whole day? Like what if you find a penny?