@XplodingUnicorn: The pig jumped into bed with my 6-year-old all by herself.
It was super cute.
Then the pig threw up all over her.
Considerably less cute.
@Jamie1947: Damn girl, are you my cable remote? Because you are weirdly designed and very confusing, and does this row of buttons even do anything?
@cray_at_home_ma: Alexa, take down my Christmas decorations.
@tacsanitchiban: Old friend: Wow! When the hell did you grow a beard?
Me: This morning. On the way here. Just felt like it was time.
@carlyken: I leave my vacuum in the middle of the floor at all times so when I have unexpected company I can say I was just about to clean my house.
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