@JennyJohnsonHi5: I pulled a muscle trying to avoid my neighbor in the grocery store.
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@captainkalvis: Priest: I will now dip the child in the Holy Water Me (just watched a hot dog eating contest): That makes em go down your throat faster
@laurenmacdonald: If I give my dog a toy that doesn't make an unbearably annoying noise she looks at me like I have no clue how to do anything right in life.
@OBiiieeee: HOLD YOUR HORSES. TELL YOUR HORSES YOU LOVE THEM. DONT BE TOO STRICT WITH YOUR HORSES OR THEY'LL DATE OLDER HORSES GET TATTOOS & HAVE PONIES