@JennyJohnsonHi5: I pulled a muscle trying to avoid my neighbor in the grocery store.
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@BMcCarthy32: There's no way I'm the only person who thinks Kristen Stewart is doing the world's best Garfield impression.
@buttgh0st: COP: can anybody else describe the suspect? JOHN LENNON: he got feet down below his knees COP: anybody
@ArfMeasures: ME: This car's perfect except for one thing WIFE: Yes, there's no room for the childre- ME: [finds cup holder] lol I was wrong, it's perfect