@JennyJohnsonHi5: I pulled a muscle trying to avoid my neighbor in the grocery store.
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@sock_holliday: The person that invented toilet paper is easily the most under-appreciated hero in human history
@VanGobot: leatherface: cmon, we're gonna be late! pinhead: *putting in one pin at a time* this doesn't just HAPPEN you know leatherface: you look fine
@nayele18: Can't afford those fancy water parks, so I just throw cups of water in my kids faces when they least expect it.