@Robinbuble: I put an ad in Craigslist for a muscular blonde with strong arms, excessive body hair and a thick British accent so I'm dating Madonna now.
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@themorris23: *Hulk smashes thru courtroom wall* SOMEONE ASK FOR INCREDIBLE WITNESS?! Judge- no, CREDIBLE! Hulk- shit HULK VERRY SORRY BOUT YOUR WALL
@living_marble: MEN: we're gonna stop flirting at work and giving unasked-for hugs WOMEN: great MEN: wait, no, you don't understand, those were threats
@michaelianblack: Finally saw the new Batman. SPOILER ALERT: the Bane character is up to no good.
@MauriceBlitz: I'm convinced when squirrels run the road, nearly missing your car, it must be some kind of squirrel gang initiation.