@moose_chocolate: I, put commas, in, weird places, so that, you, read, my tweets, like William, Shatner.
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@Travon: "Hey Hillary what color do you think this dre-- never mind" - Bill Clinton scrolling through Twitter last night
@myles_morrison: I changed my wifi name to "14.4k dial up connection" so no one would bother stealing my signal.
@SadPeruna: Sorry about your lost dog. If you liked it, then you should've put a leash on it. If you liked it, then you should've put a leash on it.