@moose_chocolate: I, put commas, in, weird places, so that, you, read, my tweets, like William, Shatner.
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@NurseMurderer: I see your Full House and I raise you 3 episodes of Home Improvement. -Me, not knowing how to play poker, but loving 90's TV
@withanewname: [looking at pics] Where's that? -Hawaii Where's that? -Jamaica Daddy where was I? -You weren't born Why's the folder called 'Good Ole Days'?
@AndyAsAdjective: *walks into room, turns chair around backwards & sits down with arms crossed on it* hey kids…I'm here to talk about how chairs confuse me
@TheRolo: Girlfriend Parents: so how did you meet our daughter? Me: we met at a nickelback conc- Gf: [covers my mouth] we met on tinder