@moose_chocolate: I, put commas, in, weird places, so that, you, read, my tweets, like William, Shatner.
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@LurkAtHomeMom: I feel bad for women who say finding true love is the best experience in life. They've obviously never found their bra size on clearance.
@GaryJanetti: Thinking of adopting a child. What color should I get? Keep in mind my walls are eggshell and cinnamon.
@HeyZeus666: The key ingredients for a successful diet : Duct tape Rope Rat poison Shovel Bag of lime Alibi What?...wait. Wrong list.
@garrydavenport: Me: "If Americans say 'sidewalk', what do we mean in England?" My six year old: "Crab!"