@Sadieisonfire: I put Infinite Warfare on Craigslist and of course I'm getting the geniuses texting me
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@thesulk: I think Sandra Bullock chooses movies based solely on the number of times she can say "Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!"
@TheresNoGodzila: *gets on 1 knee* Me: I know we haven't known each other for a long time, but will you marry me? Her: Please get off my knee
@donni: CASHIER: One ultrathin lubricated condom. That'll be $3.25 DUCK: Can you put it on my bill? CASHIER: That's not where it goes, silly