@moooooog35: I put JIF Peanut butter in the mousetraps and although I didn't catch any mice I did manage to snag 3 choosy mothers.
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@Wine_Charmer: [lying in front of the fire] 11: Do you think she's asleep or dead? 9: *throws toy, 2 massive dogs pounce on me* Me: *screams* 9: Asleep
@PaperWash: [grocery store] dad to his crying baby: shhh stop crying [baby keeps crying] me: wow, your baby does not listen
@Schmoodles: I will totally judge you based on your choice of breakfast cereal, you unfrosted weirdo.
@wickedsuga: Nothing says "I love you" like my cat aggressively bathing herself immediately after I pet her.