@DonKinderknecht: I put my baby on the baby changing station in the bathroom and when I was done, it was the same baby. :-(
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@AndrewNadeau0: If someone asks if I have time to talk about Jesus I tell them yes but they have to give me an equal amount of time to talk about Ducktales.
@kiel_phillips: JELLYFISH: *to friend* Want to see something disgusting? Watch this. *stings person* FRIEND: That wasn't dis... JELLYFISH: Wait a minute.
@oscarewilde: kate bush: [running up that road] me, a personal trainer: okay kate bush: [running up that hill] me: alright kate bush: [running up that building] me: kate
@OBiiieeee: i thought i heard a dog approaching but it was just some hot girl's keys jingling. i fixed my hair for nothing