@OhNoSheTwitnt: I put my earbuds on just like everybody else. Frantically as someone approaches.
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@SocialExtortion: Hey, not too bad I know mom I know mom I know mom I know mom I know mom I know mom I know mom I love you too Ok, bye -phone convos with mom
@daemonic3: Mr. Trump, who's your Secretary of State? TRUMP: To deal with China, one that speaks Mandarin [remembers to appeal to women] or Womandarin
@samthe8th: When I go to the movies alone, I take a clipboard so everyone thinks I'm a professional movie reviewer and not an awkward friendless loner.
@albz: I bet when spiders see those fake green cob webs on Halloween they must be like "Ugh, tourists".