@gavinpivott: "I put my gear back in fourth." - Willow Smith learning to drive, maybe.
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@MrEmilyHeller: Every commercial for every product should have a scientist looking into a microscope. That gives me the confidence to buy
@jp_mcdade: Wow, I wish people were into politics as much as they're into sports. *meets someone who's really into politics* Wow, I wish I was dead.
@Ygrene: Scientists now believe that approx 2% of Earth's water at any given time is found on Tupperware containers being removed from the dishwasher
@LindaInDisguise: Me: My weight is up. I really hate winter. Him: Don't be discouraged. You'll bounce back in spring once you shave your legs.