@ibid78: I put my pants on just like everyone else. With the help of my twelve most trusted cats.
@TheSharona06: Him: Want to play Trivial Pursuit?
Me: Sure. But I guarantee you'll win. I'm not that smart.
Him: Want to play strip Trivial Pursuit?
@OhNoSheTwitnt: My dad said he couldn't get into Game of Thrones because he doesn't like fantasy so I asked him when he was going to stop watching Fox News.
@josePhDhoran: *Baby presses 'snooze' to stay in womb extra 10 minutes*
@matt___nelson: Any dog can be a guide dog if you don't care where you're going
@putopao: Thank you, Internet.