@ibid78: I put my pants on just like everyone else. With the help of my twelve most trusted cats.
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@BoogTweets: Me: I have bad news about Bob. Friend: Bob from work or Bob that always fakes his own death? Me: *Drops shovel* Ut oh…
@Birdhumms: Why is it when someone asks if you've lost weight you immediately feel like eating a dozen donuts to celebrate.
@bfrosty04: Prom night for my 17 year old daughter, or as I like to call it, 'Dad spends the evening sharpening his axe' night.
@stephenjmolloy: <enter password> ikilledaman <password must contain a number> *7 hours later* ikilled2men