@jabba_jabba_jaw: I put my pants on like anyone else. By court ordered mandate.
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@MsCassieDaniels: My white girl power is ability to never putting more than $20 worth of gas in at a time.
@retreminy: I illegally download music, but only Metallica. They seem to be pretty cool about it.
@ShittyComedian: So it turns out that fat bearded man whose lap I was sitting on at the mall wasn't Santa. LOL drugs.
@gogglepossum: [1st date] Me: don't let him know you're a lobster Him: we should check out my hot-tub later Me: 'yeah...sure' *nervously clicks claws*