@HeidiCF8: I put my pants on like everyone else... As the cop taps on the glass and shines his high beam in my face.
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@solomongeorgio: I was called a faggot by an angry homeless woman last night. I would've been offended but I was too busy living in a home.
@Meh_Tweetz: bought 30 treadmills & placed them around the perimeter of house, when zombies attack my house they will just keep walking for days
@JimmerThatisAll: Little does this young woman in the house behind mine who just closed the curtains know that it was the curtains I was looking at.
@Breadery: My daughter: I know everything Me: What's the capital of brazil? My daughter: that's a secret