@WGladstone: I put my pants on like everyone else: with difficulty, blaming the dryer for shrinking them.
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@jake_lach: *Police bust through door* -QUICK FLUSH ALL THE SUGAR -WAIT, WHY!? -I DON'T KNOW, THEY DO IT IN THE MOVIES!
@CornOnTheGoblin: cop: we found your wife with a knife in her back me: that doesn't sound like her, she never kept a knife there
@ValeeGrrl: POLICE OFFICER: [frisking me] why do you have chicken nuggets in all your pockets? ME: they're medicinal