@WGladstone: I put my pants on like everyone else: with difficulty, blaming the dryer for shrinking them.
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@pixelatedboat: Spiderman, Spiderman/ Does whatever a spider can/ Attends college/ Works as a photographer/ Just like a spider
@cuppajosh: With 10K characters, I can finally get into great detail about how I'm not allowed at the company family picnic any more!
@meaganbb1: I like when I wear my glasses because then I have four-eyes I can roll at your ridiculousness!
@Snarfernini: 911: What's your emergency? Me: He text me first. Just to say hi. What do I do?! 911: Be cool Me: I sent him a list of baby names instead