@mochanya: I put sea salt on my seafood, so they can be reunited. Because I like happy endings.
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@KenJennings: Yes, in fact I DO know what it's like to bleed like crazy once a month. That's my flossing schedule.
@StellaRtwot: We wouldn't really have any national debt in this country if strippers would just pay their damn income taxes.
@thenatewolf: I saw an old couple sharing a newspaper and was like "oh wow maybe marriage is cool" and then the lady said "STOP BREATHING ON ME"
@oakhillbargrill: - grabs leash - grabs phone - takes dog out for walk - pulls out phone - checks Twitter - walks dog to South America