@mochanya: I put sea salt on my seafood, so they can be reunited. Because I like happy endings.
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@Mr_Kapowski: *eating before going in Costco* "Now I won't overeat samples* [5 mins later] *slams cup down* "Hit me again" "Sir, that was motor oil"
@ibid78: [raises hand during kickboxing lesson] when do we get to kick boxes? [instructor] that's not what we- [me] I just hate boxes so damn much
@withanewname: [my first day as a financial investor] "I'm going all in on this Acme Corporation. Anybody want a piece?"
@BillMc7: Restaurant Hostess: "Sorry about the wait." Me: "It's okay, you don't need to apologize for being overweight."