@CulturedRuffian: I put some doughnuts, ice cream, and snickers bars in my blender for dessert tonight, so yeah-I juice.
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@reesespiece_: Girls, your friends lied when they said chopping your hair off looked cute. They are just happy that their man wont want to bang you
@marinhubka: "I'm not sure-" wife: honey he's a zookeeper if he says these are koalas I trust him-aww look at them! *the raccoons hiss from the dumpster*
@SortaBad: *panics during bank robbery* "Uhhhh hi yeah I'd like to put this gun in my safety deposit box"